This drink is not for Ann. This drink is because I wanted to make a banana dolphin as a garnish. I mean she may be a big banana dolphin fan, I don’t know, but even if she is, it is not for her. So understand going in that the only reason I am making this drink is so we can play with the garnish. When I read the recipe, I knew it was going to suck. It calls for malibu rum and while I have enjoyed drinking it on many occasions, it generally does not play well with others. It is too sweet, has a vaguely chemical taste and honestly, the more I have learned about making drinks, the less I can stomach it. I am either going to have to find a better coconut rum, or just begin making my own. Malibu is the Midori of the rum scene, we used to be friends, but the fire is gone. How bad could this one be, let’s find out as you join me as we stand and make, the Banana Boat.

Let’s get right into the making, so you can see what we are working with. It is super simple and full of chemicals! Grab your tins and pop in 1 ounce of coconut rum, I used that sickeningly sweet Malibu; 1 ounce of banana liquor, I went with 99 Bananas, which also has this weird chemical thing going on and 2 ounces of pineapple juice. Add ice and shake well to get it nice and cold and frothy. Strain into something interesting over crushed ice. Garnish with a banana dolphin. The banana dolphin is the point and is super fun and easy to make. Honestly, just look at the picture, you take half a banana, make a slice in the base for it to fit the glass, cut the stem to make a mouth, fill that mouth with a fancy luxardo cherry, or don’t and make a slit for the eyes and put half a chocolate chip in there for contrast. Nothing to it, or you could do the way I did and just turn around to find your partner has already made the dolphin and have them hand it to you. In retrospect, since Laura made the dolphin, it may be for Ann, after all. How am I to know? How are any of us to know, really? Ponder on that, or don’t. I’m not the boss of you. 

It is sweet. So sweet. Did I mention the sweetness, cause it is there. I know that Malibu is made with real coconut extract, but it always has a vaguely chemical flavor and I am pretty sure that 99 Bananas is nothing but artificial flavorings. Incidentally, while trying to find the ingredients in 99 bananas, I discovered that they have a version of this same recipe on their website as the “Funky Monkey”, so, the more you know, I guess. So, this drink is really sweet, vaguely chemically. It’s nice enough, I guess. I mean I wouldn’t send it back, I just probably wouldn’t order another one. Oh and you can’t taste any alcohol in it, which might be the point. Anyway, it is not that good, you shouldn’t make it, I should not have even shared it with you, but BANANA DOLPHIN! You are sure to see this garnish again, preferably in something that we can all feel good about drinking.

To be fair, to my Area 51 friends, this is precisely the sort of thing I would mix behind that hallowed bar and serve you. In fact I’m pretty sure I have made this one. Honestly, in the heat of the Ohio night, after many other drinks, this was probably a refreshing break from the many moonshine variations you were sampling around the fires. So, if you want to think about those summer nights and my radio, with a nod to Van Halen, mix up one of these and pretend I gave you a hard time as I gave it to you, not caring whether you enjoyed it or not because hey, free alcohol. Next year, bashers, next year. Until then, stay safe, stay hydrated and stay sane, my friends.