Today, we celebrated my sister-in-law’s birthday and she had a special, super-soft request. So, make your way past the cupcake decoration station, around the boy band karaoke, and past the unicorn, to the drinks table for a Piña Colada.
I have a super soft spot in my heart for this drink. I used to order these in the Bahamas way before I should have, unbeknownst to my parents. I like to sing the song, too. Thinking about that, I know that yesterday I was talking about how you need to take the time to see things and people, but that is not the case with Escape (The Piña Colada Song). These aren’t great people, the bright side is they find each other, again and recommit to their relationship, ostensibly recharged by their brush with unsanctioned infidelity, thus saving anyone else from being in a relationship with them. I like it when the right kinda of folks find each other. I ain’t judging, but they clearly had not discussed or at least not laid down any ground rules for their polyamorous “escape.” But it is fun to roll down the windows, open the sunroof and sing along, especially when you get to wind up on that “dunes on the cape” line. The drink is good though. I mean, it’s good for what it’s for. Day drinking, hot sun, ocean crashing nearby, sweet, frozen, doesn’t get significantly worse as it melts, and you can drink a bucket of them and still surf, or walk back to the room; it may be the perfect beach drink.
Alright, so you’re gonna want a blend this one, so just mix in the blender cup. I’ll throw out the numbers for one, but you can easily double this in a standard blender and you should. It’s not like anyone is gonna turn the extra one down or you could just get a bigger glass, hell pop a straw in the blender, it’s a piña colada, no one is gonna care.
Grab 1.5 ounce of rum, almost anything will do, you’re not gonna taste it anyway. Today, I used Malibu. Yeah, coconut rum, it’s Brandy’s birthday and that’s what she wanted. 1.5 ounces of cream of coconut, not cream of wheat, big difference in the outcome if you cross those up. 1.5 ounces of pineapple juice, canned is fine. Now, the important part, toss in roughly a cup of actual pineapple, I used three slices. Having real pineapple in there makes all the difference. Thrown in 2 cups of ice, pop the top on and pulse a few times to get things acting right. I don’t know why I do this, always have. Once you feel like the mix is acting right, kick it on up to frappe and let the blender do it’s thing. 20-30 seconds, I don’t know, this is a feel thing. If you need a solid time, sing through the chorus of “Escape”, that’s probably long enough. But, don’t rush the tempo, just let it flow. Pour into something tall and tropical, I found these fun Flamingo glasses, but anything works and honestly, the batch I made after this one all went into solo cups, yeah the fancy kind. Once it’s in the cup, garnish with a pineapple wedge, a cherry, a paper umbrella, whatever is handy and pop in a straw. Also, grate a little nutmeg on top, it’s pretty and smells wonderful, really enhances the drink.
Breathing in that nutmeg as you suck up that creamy goodness isn’t heaven, but it’s in the neighborhood. I mean, is it trying to cheat on your lady only to find she was stepping out on you as well, and laughing it off as a great way to reconnect in a bar called O’Malley’s good? I don’t think so, but it’s just fine for sitting under a palm tree trying to decide whether getting in the water is worth having the sand stick to your feet. Yeah, it’s just about perfect for that. Stay safe, stay hydrated and stay sane, my friends.